Debate as a competition, contest, a battle, a winner-take-all proposition where evil is vanquished, virtue is on the line, and truth hangs in the balance. We can’t be stalwart protectors of the truth; we are inadequate to defend it. People won’t listen to scientists/information/facts. What can we do? We can repeat ourselves and become more intense. We can become angry and march around. But if we agree to debate something true, something that is noble and good, and we lose – well that’s bad because . . . it’s not true anymore? It’s not the right way to do things? Nobody is really sure what the bad thing is but it is bad.

Somehow if we lose a debate, it means that our good and true belief is no longer good. I don’t think that’s the case at all. I think what it means is that you need to find/create/orient new positions toward that audience. If you think that the position you hold is good, and good for more than just yourself (i.e. “I really should spend less time on the computer before bed” versus “using a screen before bed seriously harms your health”) why wouldn’t you want to enter into conversation with someone else about it? Why wouldn’t you want to convince them? Or do you just not care about people who don’t immediately hold your views?

There’s a strong sentiment out there that debate makes truth trivial, that it opens up questioning of things that are right, good, virtuous, and true. This is a very odd position, and one that unquestionably is anchored to a Platonic view – that appearances are more attractive than reality, and they will drive us away from the good and true if we are not vigilant. The truth has to appear in a raw and ugly manner, and if you don’t like it, you are an idiot.

But if things that are good and true need to be adopted and believed by a community, understood as part of a larger program of social good – laws and other sorts of policies, even everyday behavior between people – it has to be communicated. This means that it has to be engaged, questioned, interrogated, and altered. Everyone knows a suit is a great way to dress professionally. Simultaneously, everyone knows that a suit must be tailored, or it is going to look like a joke. If it doesn’t fit properly, it won’t be taken seriously – and neither will the person wearing it.

Adaptability in truth and good information is where debate comes in. If you lose a debate with someone over an issue or belief or truth you care about deeply, it can really upset you. You might feel like you’ve totally failed in the service of the good. This is a feeling based on the idea that you are totally responsible for making sure people realize what is true, and if you miss your chance, you’ve screwed up. This feeling is also based on the idea that people are incapable of seeing what’s good or right on their own and need someone to “open their eyes.”

These assumptions are not very productive. Instead, perhaps you can think of your own relation to your belief and re-examine it to make sure you really are right about it. That shouldn’t take too long if it’s a well-formed belief. Then you should consider what went wrong in the engagement you had with your opponent. What did you not have that would have really helped them get it? What did you have that really turned them off? What is the relation between these missing or present articulations and the background and attitude of the person? This can send you looking for people who are of your attitude and belief and see how they articulated their position to people like this. The internet is a great thing as it is primarily a collection of situated utterances that you can sift through and find articulations that work for you.

But also debating is a cooperative endeavor, like driving or dancing. You cannot just charge ahead doing what you want simply because you “know better.” You have to think about things like leading, indicators, yielding, speed, and merging. Tempo is also vital. The list can go on, but my point is this: If you think about what you are doing as cooperating both with your opponent and with the important concept/belief/truth/good that you want them to accept, you will find that debate is a very joyful examination of the different ways one can put something together (or take it apart). It’s in the realm of inquiry and making, not in the realm of smashing, destroying, or fumigating (which is what most people think debate is).

You’ll be able to find articulations of what is important and vital that you can adjust to many different people. And if they still don’t believe you, or walk away, or leave in a huff don’t worry – this is not the last time they will encounter this attitude or belief. You might be the person who has softened the landing for a future debate they will be in, or they will go home and google what you said and find a way to take it in that they would not have found without your engagement. This is the scariest part about debate avoidance: The idea that if you don’t win in that moment, there’s no other moment that might come along. People really do avoid debating because they are afraid, they won’t win or be able to convince their opponent, and that would be worse than losing. If debate is cooperative, as I believe it is, nothing could be further from the truth of what this engagement, this discourse, this art is.

People who believe serious social and political issues are harmed through debate are speaking from a position of egocentrism: “I know this is the right thing, if I debate someone, they will just use tricks and be stupid and make me angry.” If the issue is so vital, why not take the hit? The value is one that might appeal to the egocentric person: You find new and different ways to articulate what matters to you greatly. Secondly, you do the truth and the good a service by inserting your articulations into the mind of another. Although they dismissed them now, it might not be the right time, or it might be the first time they’ve thought about it. Later on, those utterances will return in their mind, and could prove to be very useful for a future encounter, far from you, far from this moment, where they will appreciate and even accept the truth you find to be so vital.